May 25, 2020 Edition: Sunnyside Arms Over Easy Blog
- The Sunnyside Arms Gazette
- May 25, 2020
- 6 min read
Updated: Jul 11, 2020
The Sunnyside Arms Gazette's Over Easy column is taken over today by our pulls-no-punches, lady loving, book writing, Jell-O slurping, resident specialist of all things sniffable, the one and only Harold!
Harold here.
Little miss bossy pants, Agnes, has asked me to contribute to the Sunnyside Arms Gazette’s blog again. She said that given my “military history,” she thought that I would be a good person to write the Memorial Day post. To that, I said, “Ha!,” and you can quote me.
Agnes doesn’t know that my military history is not quite what she thinks it is. But we’ll talk more about that soon. The important thing is that I agreed to comply with Agnes’s wishes and write this here blog post since I believe our military deserves thanks for their service. Also, I’m already a published author, (Yeah, I wrote that winning book, Sniff), and now that I get how to use these new-fangled computers, the typing lets me exercise my fingers a bit. And they need it.
Why Agnes Thinks I Am A Military Man
I’ve been known to wear my granddaddy’s Civil War uniform for some of the more formal events here at Sunnyside Arms. When your fine dress uniform distracts the ladies, they let you get close enough so you can get a good sniff of them. It’s been my lady-getting-go-to for years. As a matter of fact, it was the way I first caught the eye of my now dearly departed wife, Ethel. It was at our first inter-departmental cocktail party at college. I remember how much she loved my uniform and my spiking the punch. Young love.
My Military History, Plain and Simple
In the interest of journalistic integrity and patriotic pride, I feel I need to share just what my military history is. Put plainly, I don’t have any direct military experience. All of the honor and glory in my family goes to my granddaddy and my daddy who served in the Civil War and WWII, respectively. I was in college during Vietnam and I chose to stay put. It made sense to me at the time, but the older I get, the more I think about how things might have been different if I’d served in a war. For starters, I might not have met my dear Ethel or started a family when I did. Heck, I might never have learned the art of the sniff! On the flip side, I might have had some truly best-selling novel stories to write about from my experiences and be able to say I proudly served our country like my forefathers. For a long time, I pondered what I could still do to serve. Then, one day, it hit me!
My Salvation Was A Different Kind Of Army
Several years ago, my pondering and walking habit landed me at my local Salvation Army depot. I thought maybe we could help each other out, you know? It turns out that the Salvation Army doesn’t require a lot of you for enlistment. And the best part—age doesn’t matter! So at the age of 70, I enlisted in the Salvation Army. All they requested was that I make a donation and attend their Sunday Services when I could. I also volunteered to help out with their Veteran Services program. Talk about a good fit!
There's Something About A Man In Uniform
Once I was signed and sealed, they delivered me up front to their store and told me I could get whatever uniform I wanted from their vast racks of highly colorful options. I have to admit, I was a little surprised to learn that not everyone enlisting in the Salvation Army would be wearing the same uniform, but I took a deep dive, as John is fond of saying, and came up with a spiffy new uniform for myself.
"When your fine dress uniform distracts the ladies, they let you get close enough so you can get a good sniff of them. It’s been my lady-getting-go-to for years." - Harold
My Uniform Works For SEALs, Gators & Blubbering Brides
Since I already have my granddaddy’s Civil War uniform and it’s still serviceable (as supported by all the ladies swooning over me when they see me in it), I went for the wetsuit I found in the sports section. I figure it will come in handy in case I get called up to do any SEAL work. Or asked to help Joe wrestle the pond gator out of the garden. Better yet, I am entertaining the idea of wearing my wetsuit for Joe and Tiffani’s upcoming nuptials in June. For sure, Tiffini will be blubbering all over the place and the only time I like to get wet is when I’m in the shower. Virtual wedding or not, I like to be prepared.
My Most Interesting Military Escapades-to Date
Agnes wants me to give some details about my most interesting military escapades. Now that you (and presumably Agnes) know my true military history, I feel comfortable sharing them. The Salvation Army’s mission is to save and protect others from harm, risk, loss, and destruction, so I think I have some pretty illustrative stories. Here are a few of my favorites. Save and protect!
The time I pulled the fire alarm when Miss Daphne’s cake burst into flames (too many candles on Mr. Hawker’s birthday cake and he was very slow to blow them all out).
The time I picked up my dearly departed Ethel off the ground after her walker hit a soft spot on the walkway.
The time I saw Tiffini and Joe sneak into the shed in the garden for a little hanky-panky and didn’t rat them out to Agnes.
Sunnyside Arms State of Affairs Brief
It's my duty as a reporter of sorts to also inform you about what is going on this week at Sunnyside Arms as we celebrate Memorial Day and this last week of May, too.
Memorial Day Events at Sunnyside Arms
Betsy Ross has provided all of the residents with a miniature United States flag that she has encouraged us to wave at 5 p.m. this evening while standing and cheering our service men and women from the safety of the doorways of our individual rooms. Miss Daphne has promised to serve up some red & blue Jell-O with white whipped cream as dessert for tonight's military meal ration-inspired holiday dinner, which can be picked up all packaged for your safety and convenience, at the communal kitchen between 4-5 p.m. Wear your face mask and stay 12 feet apart, please! Patriotic Pretzels will be delivered to all residents for snacking at 4 p.m!
End of May COVID-19 Report-ing For Duty
The COVID-19 crisis has taken over our life here. There are no Bingo games being held in the rec room, and when it comes time for our resident Zoom meetings, everyone looks pretty motley because no one has been able to get their hair done by Tiffini in ages. She keeps promising some YouTube video tutorials for cutting hair, but I haven’t seen any. I think she’s gotten all caught up in the wedding plans John and Joe have come up with instead. On the plus side, I must say, with all the hoopla about Tiffini and Joe’s upcoming wedding, I’m glad to have a little focus back on ME with this blog post. Team Harold.
Taps For My Post
At press time, I’m currently debating what to wear today, Memorial Day itself! It’s nearly time for Patriotic Pretzels, so I’d better decide. Perhaps the pair of Army fatigues I liberated from the laundry room Lost & Found box last month. They are patriotic and also, everyone at Sunnyside Arms is pretty fatigued by all these quarantining rules. Hahaha! Gonna end this now. Happy Memorial Day! To our Service Men and Women in residence and beyond, Thank You for all you do and have done!
With a Respectful Salute,
Harold
P.S. A Happy Birthday to my dear departed daddy, Robert James Campbell MacNamara!
About our Guest Reporter: Harold and his now-deceased wife, Ethel, were the first residents of Sunnyside Arms. Their plan was to live out the remainder of their lives together enjoying all of the amenities that the Sunnyside Arms Retirement Community has to offer. Unfortunately, Ethel died under quite mysterious circumstances about two years ago. Since Ethel's (perhaps, untimely) death, Harold has fashioned himself the resident "Man about Town," sniffing and charming all of the lady residents of Sunnyside Arms. Harold is extremely proud that he published his first book last year, “Sniff,” which was quite a feat given that it was 11 pages long. According to Harold, he has the best "sniffer" this side of the Mississippi.
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