April 18, 2020 Edition: Sunnyside Arms Over Easy Blog
- The Sunnyside Arms Gazette
- Apr 18, 2020
- 5 min read
Updated: Jul 11, 2020
The Sunnyside Arms Gazette's Over Easy column is taken over today by our takes-no-guff, hands-on-hip posing, checklist-toting, advice-giving, score-keeping and reluctant recipe testing, staff specialist of knowing about all things managerial, the one and only Agnes!
So...
I’m really kind of busy for this blogging thing right now, but Genevieve says the more honest I am and the more I share my plans and feelings about the current situation with everyone here, the calmer we all will be. So I said I’d give it a go. She also said the lack of ice cream available for sale at Publix lately constitutes a national emergency. Think about that.
It’s Raining, It’s Pouring...But Life is Never Boring
Good Lord! It’s raining hard and heavy out here today. I’d say it was raining cats and dogs, but down here in South Florida, it’s more like lizards and snakes. I know that does NOT paint as pretty a picture, but it’s honest at least. And, I’m all for honesty, especially when it comes to my job managing the residents here at Sunnyside Arms. It isn’t what you’d call easy overseeing the wellbeing of our 42 senior residents on a regular day, but it has been absolutely CRAZY trying to keep things running smoothly here since this Covid-19 pandemic hit our little town of Sunnyside a few weeks ago.
I’ve been managing Sunnyside Arms for three years now and I have to say, I thought I’d dealt with all of the bizarre situations a retirement home could throw at me. But, boy, oh boy, was I ever wrong! Life at Sunnyside Arms keeps surprising me! The latest example of that came about when John Vanderbilt from the Florida Retirement Communities Board arrived here (in March!) to see how well Sunnyside Arms was complying with general state retirement community regulations. He was only supposed to stay a day or two for a routine quarterly inspection, but while he was “snooping” (my word) around the premises, he found some “unusual” (his word) things going on here. (No kidding, John!) So he informed me that he’d be sticking around for another week or two to make sure that I got things under control. As if things were out of control! Who does he think keeps the Jell-O on the tables and the pond gator out of the garden? Me, Agnes, that’s who!
“Who does he think keeps the Jell-O on the tables and the pond gator out of the garden? Me, Agnes, that’s who!” - Agnes
As a matter of fact, before the quarantine went into effect, I was getting pretty close to nipping those “unusual” (John’s word) things going on around here, in the bud. Thanks to Tiffani with an “i”’s fiance, Joe, we’d set up surveillance in order to see what was going on out in the garden shed with all those parties and paper products. Betsy Ross was on the cusp of solving the mystery of the false door in the main hall janitorial closet and finding out whether or not it leads to another dimension. (She was also seen cozying up with our resident Sci-fi/fantasy expert, Herchel.) Now those things are all on pause for the moment as we look into more pressing matters. As a “bonus” (his word), John further notified me that we’re stuck with him (my words) until the Covid-19 quarantine is over.
Rock, Paper, Scissors & Dining With The Bachelor
Once they heard the news about John’s extended stay, all the single ladies in the community, like Betsy Ross and Genevieve DuVoo, made a daily game of “Rock, Paper, Scissors,” to see who would have the pleasure of dining with John for each meal. (Pleasure? Dining with John? I just don’t see it.) Truth be told, I found it a little juvenile, but let it be since it helps me keep tabs on John’s daily plans and whereabouts. For his part, John actually seems to get a genuine kick out of it. I haven’t quite figured out WHY yet, but believe me, I will! I’ve got the time now so I am bingeing that series, The Bachelor, for clues.
As of yesterday, the residents have expanded their dining game to include premium seating (near John) at BETSYTalks and other on-site social distancing-approved events. Personally, I don’t trust him for one minute as he walks around all day with that stern look on his face checking on every little thing that happens here. Overnight I literally found myself (and my management style) morphing from stressed but still well dressed to mind on fire wearing my quarantine attire. Just being honest.
Who’s Zooming Who?
As part of my plan to keep everyone safe and connected during the quarantine, I have instituted a selection of topic- or group-based daily Zoom meetings for the residents. Well, THAT has been a giant fiasco! Turns out half of them have never even used a computer. (Why did we bother turning the smoking lounge into a social & media lounge?) Those who do join us for the Zoom meetings, often seem to “forget” that they are visible to everyone. Case in point: I have seen Harold enthusiastically sniffing scratch and sniff perfume tear-outs from the ladies magazines we keep in the social & media lounge, Tiffani with an “i” making out with Joe in her salon chair (Just...Ewwww!), Mr. Hawker inserting very dramatic air drum rolls when I announce agenda items; and then there is Betsy Ross, she seems to think our Zoom meetings are a good time for her to play hide-n-seek using furniture and other objects in her apartment within view of her webcam. (She’s a creative but a lousy hider.)
Speaking of Betsy Ross...
Speaking of Betsy Ross, at my behest, she took the lead on our Easter festivities this year and I just let her run with it. It was a HUGE hit with the residents and our security team only had to be called twice. We were very careful as far as what we allowed, on account of the Covid-19 and social distancing and all, but feedback has been positive.
I have been finding and picking up the leftovers of Betsy’s efforts since last Sunday. Confetti, streamers, petticoats, stale cupcakes with sprinkles, ribbons, and paintball splatters all over the campus! And, since she showed up for her Easter BETSYTalk on how rabbits lay colored eggs (or some other nonsense topic) with a whole head of Pepto-Bismol pink hair (thanks to Tiffani with an “i” and a paintball gun), now ALL of the ladies of Sunnyside Arms are pressing me to let Tiffani with an “i” open up her hair salon tout suite so they can get their hair dyed pastel paintball style, too.
Are You Kidding Me?
Would you believe, I actually had two residents tell me this week that not being able to get their hair done once a week is the single largest disappointment in their lives? One resident even made vague threats about leaving if she couldn’t get her hair shampooed, colored, and styled by Tiffani with an “i” ASAP. She said she needed to look her best for an upcoming breakfast “date” (her word) with John. Are you KIDDING me? I may not make it if this goes on too many more weeks.
About our Guest Reporter: Agnes is the manager of the Sunnyside Arms Retirement Community located in Sunnyside, FL. Her commanding, activity-based approach to her job has earned her the nickname, “The Agne-Beast,” for she is both scary and yet, (surprisingly) effective. With her trusty clipboard and pen in-hand, Agnes delegates tasks and tosses out insults like the boss she is. Deeply secretive about her life outside of work, she has yet to reveal her last name to even her favorite Sunnyside Arms resident, Betsy Ross.
Commentaires